How to ask for help at work and not lose credibility

 What is your strategy for asking for help at work without losing credibility?

Your Rant: I came to a difficult realization recently: just the thought of asking for help makes my skin crawl. I know there are people out there who ask for help, but I can’t do it. Am I crazy?

911 Repair,

Your email reminded me of a Russian man who had spent hours training his dog to protect him in case he was ever attacked. Unfortunately, the dog really learned this lesson well “protected” his owner from paramedics who were trying to save his life. The man died of a heart attack.

There is a strong similarity between that situation and your attitude about accepting help at work; both are cases where keeping help at arm’s length is dangerous. I think of work as a community “bank,” and we all need to make deposits AND withdrawals. Below I’ve listed some questions for you to ask yourself in order to help you ask for help. For more, check out “Wildly Sophisticated” by Nicole Williams (Perigee, 2004).

Do you want to avoid showing weakness? To me there is only one thing worse than appearing to be weak-actually being weak. So I’d rather swallow my pride and ask for help and insight from a colleague than screwing things up on my own. I have a simple theory: it’s almost always better to hear something from a colleague than to hear it from a boss or customer.

Do you feel like you’ll open yourself up to criticism? Whenever you ask for feedback or advice, you potentially open yourself up to criticism. But to me criticism is like a cell phone, you can always turn it off. You don’t have to be bound by what you’re told. Sort through it to decide what you should act on and what you should forget.

Do you feel like it’s just better to go it alone? I tried to think of the most rugged individual I could and I came up with a cowboy riding the range. But even that cowboy had all sorts of support systems: cow dogs, cooks, other cowboys, etc. So be aware of getting sucked into the myth of the isolated individual. Corporations are communities and it’s important to stay involved.

Do you ask for help but don’t get it? Some people are shy, and getting advice from them is like pulling teeth. Others give their advice carefully, even grudgingly. Sometimes you’ll have to ask more than once, but the times I have I’ve usually found it’s worth the wait.

Do you feel like you’ll owe them? My dad was a classic, he would give you money but each dollar had strings attached. There may be someone like this where you work, so with some people you might need to set some boundaries (try saying, “I really would like to hear your thoughts, but I’ll have to bounce them off my team before I act”). Most people, however, are happy to give advice free of any “hidden charge”.

Don’t take a bite out of your own career, ask colleagues for help along the way.

911 Pulse:

Which song title describes your feelings about asking for help at work?

Feels So Good, 6.3 percent

Feels Like Rain, 38.2 percent

Feels Alright, 55.3 percent

User Strategy

This may sound simplistic, but I view asking for help like I do a bank. Each of us needs to make both deposits and withdrawals. For a long time I saw asking for help as a weakness, now I see it as part of the give and take between colleague. And a much more civilized way to work.

Bob Rosner and Sherrie Campbell author the weekly internationally-syndicated workplace911 column. Bob’s a best-selling author and award-winning journalist who has personally responded to over 50,000 emails. Sherrie’s a relationship expert and award-winning comedian who has offered quick, intuitive and humorous responses to over 30,000 people. He’s been called “Dilbert, with a solution.” She’s the counselor with a kick. Watch our 911 team of consultants, authors, counselors and comedians—namely Bob & Sherrie—tackle the nastiest work wrecks in organizations and via seminars, TV, radio, newspapers, books, web sites and live on workplace911.com.