How to control your anger at work

Dear WW: I’ve always had problems keeping my temper. Last week I blew up at something a co-worker said and pushed him. I was suspended for a week without pay. My boss tells me I have a problem, but I don’t know what to do. IT’S HIT THE FAN

Dear It’s,

Your letter reminded me of a plate glass window that once leaped in front of my hand. Of course, it was the guy in front of it I was aiming for. He’d pushed my buttons once too often and I vowed he’d pay for it-until that window came to his aid. Twenty stitches later I decided that was the last time I’d try to solve a problem with my fist.

I got some slack that time ’cause I was only thirteen. But as you can see from your suspension, adults today get a lot less sympathy for their outbursts. Consider this episode a warning shot across your bow-and look for ways to curtail that fighting instinct in the future. An anger management program is a good place to start. So is Hendrie Weisinger’s book Anger at Work (Morrow, 1995). These questions are adapted from it:

Do you really believe you have a problem? Your letter suggests you may not, but until you do, it can’t be fixed. And until your boss and co-workers see you acknowledge your problem, they won’t trust you not to explode again.

Do you know how to recognize the first signs of an outburst? They’re probably physical-a tightness in your head, a twisting in your stomach, a clenching of your teeth. You need to create an internal bomb squad that can recognize those signs and quickly defuse your reaction.

Can you learn to defuse quickly? It might mean taking some deep breaths, or running up and down the stairs. . . Find an outlet that will let you burn off your anger before it hits the fan.

Can you identify what provoked you? Anyone who’s tried to quit smoking knows that the temptations of a smoky bar are overwhelming. So it is with anger. As much as possible, avoid the people and situations that have been a problem for you in the past. This may involve sucking up your pride and asking to be transferred to a different project or work area.

Have you investigated better ways to resolve your conflicts? Perhaps someone in HR is trained to mediate conflicts with colleagues or perhaps you can find a third party who can help. Nonviolent resolutions are out there. Find them.

You know, in earlier days, bosses often excused their workers’ outbursts with a grudging “boys will be boys.” But those days are gone. Too many workers have “gone postal” and government statistics now indicate that homicide is a leading cause of workplace death. There is zero tolerance for violence in today’s workplace. And that raises a final question for you to consider: In the heat of your anger can you choose to “cool it” in the interest of keeping your job? Testosterone or a paycheck-you make the call.

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.