How to deal with a coworker who has Aids

Dear WW: A man who I work closely with and like a lot just confided to me that he has AIDS. I’m shocked and I don’t know how to respond. SCARED

Dear Scared,

You can catch a lot of things at work-a cold, things falling through the cracks, or hell. But AIDS is one of the few things you can’t catch-unless you and your co-worker work the way Demi Moore and Michael Douglas did in Disclosure. So start by letting go of the fear that you might somehow get it from him.

The next step is to start thinking about how you can support your co-worker. Try asking yourself a few questions.

Suppose he’d told you he had cancer: how would you respond? AIDS is a disease, not a judgment. Spend less time thinking about how he got infected and more time being compassionate.

For just a moment, can you see through the eyes of your colleague? Understandably you feel afraid. But if you really want to know fear, imagine that you have an immune deficiency disease, that you’re continuing to work, in part, to keep your health benefits, and that the person at the next desk comes to work with a cold. That person’s inconvenience and runny nose is, to you, a possible medical emergency.

Can you listen to your co-worker? That may be what he needs above all: to feel that you can respond to him just as you did before: non-judgmentally-as a friend, as a colleague, as a person.

Are you operating with an outdated image of AIDS? These days, new drug therapies are extending people’s lives and keeping their symptoms sufficiently minimized that many can remain in the workplace indefinitely. So continue to think of this person as a productive colleague, not as person with a terminal disease.

As you look toward the future of working with this man there are three additional things you can do-in fact, have to do-because people with AIDS are legally protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

Maintain his confidence. If he asked you to keep his diagnosis secret, you must do so. His confidentiality is protected by the ADA.

Offer him a helping hand. Offering help to coworkers with AIDS is legally mandated by the ADA. Are there things you can do to help your colleague remain productive?

Stand up for him. Many people aren’t open-minded or educated about AIDS. Fearing discrimination (including loss of employment and benefits), your colleague is probably not in a position to lobby or educate others. Those of us who can must rally in their stead. Contact your local AIDS organization or public health department for suggestions.

Researchers have made tremendous strides against AIDS in the past few years, and the future promises more. Now let’s make the same kind of inroads against its companion disease: bias against the people who have it.

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.