Nigel Marsh on being Fat, Forty and Fired

Dear Readers: Nigel Marsh is the author of “Fat, Forty and Fired” (Andrews McMeel, 2007), a self-described “stressed, overweight mortgage slave” who “lost his job and found his life.” Talk about hitting the bulls-eye, this book reads like many of the emails I’ve received-except it has a more upbeat ending. Below is an interview with a guy that far too many of us can relate to. Working Wounded: What was the most surprising thing you learned from your experience?

Nigel Marsh: That almost everyone, especially the so called experts, talk complete rubbish about balance. We need an honest debate about the facts not more ridiculous “stay in the office all night and fax your orgasm to your husband” self-help rubbish. For me balance isn’t about having it all-it is about making intelligent choices.

Working Wounded: Tell me more about intelligent choices.

Nigel Marsh: We are enriched by what we can’t do, even more by what we choose not to do. The secret of being human is learning how to enjoy our limitations. If we could do everything we wouldn’t need other people.

Working Wounded: Despite the challenges you’ve faced, you’re still a big believer that people can turn their lives around.

Nigel Marsh: Because it happened to me. My dad used to say “there’s none so virtuous as a reformed whore”-and that’s me in this case. I passionately believe there are millions of people out there who could, relatively easily, have drastically more fulfilling lives. It involves “turning the telescope around” and putting the important things at the center of your life not at the edges-listening with the “ear of your heart” so to speak. I know it sounds obvious but I believe the first step of getting what you want in this life is to actually decide what you want.

Working Wounded: What is “soul rot”?

Nigel Marsh: A silent creeping disease in society where more and more people are turning into economic units of value driven by a desire for ever more possessions as opposed to human souls dedicated to developing and nurturing meaningful relationships. Basically if you work hard at a job you hate, to buy things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t like, you know you have soul rot.

Working Wounded: If you had a magic wand, what would you like to change based on what you’ve gone through?

Nigel Marsh: The Gender War. It’s as if a whole section of society now believes that gender equality means having to indulge in a perpetual point scoring competition about who did what household chore. Or worse that every conversation is really an opportunity to indulge in a bout of tedious sexual politics. Somehow virtues such as kindness, gentleness, courtesy, consideration and plain old fashioned niceness don’t get a look in as we’re all to busy fighting in some stupid battle of the sexes. Life is short - I wish we’d focus on what binds us not what divides us. I also wouldn’t mind winning the Lotto… “

Thought for the Week

“It isn’t that they can’t see the solution. It is that they can’t see the problem.” G.K. Chesterton

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. Sherrie Campbell is a relationship and business professional, having applied her counseling background in a variety of challenging organizational settings. They’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than they do. Also check out their complete column archive at workmash.org, “The Boss’s Survival Guide” and “Gray Matters: The workplace survival guide.” Send your questions or comments to bob@workmash.org.