Real talk. Improving your workplace conversations
What’s your strategy for improving your workplace conversation?
Your Rant: I’m a new supervisor and I get the sense that people only tell me what they think I want to hear. What can I do to hear what they really think?
911 Repair:
I was traveling in France and needed a cash machine. I stopped one person and asked him if he spoke English. He nodded his head yes. I then asked him if he knew where the nearest ATM was. Yes, he replied. OK, you can probably see where this is going — the guy couldn’t speak English anymore than I could speak French, but it took me a long time to figure that out.
Unfortunately many of our conversations at work are like this. We mistake a monologue for actual conversation. I’ve listed a series of questions you can ask below to help you create better dialogues at work. For more, check out “Managing for Excellence” by Moi Ali, et. al. (DK, 2001).
When you’re evaluating your own conversations, it is helpful to ask:
How do you feel that you did? Often we jump right in to tell people what we think of their performance. A better place to start is the Dr. Phil question, “So how is this working for you?” Ask them. You may be surprised by how they have good reasons for what they’re doing. Or you may be shocked by how deluded they are. Either way it’s helpful to see their performance through their eyes.
Is there anything that you would change if you had it over to do again? We often rob the person of the most important part of any performance, the chance to learn from their experiences.
How are customers reacting? This is ultimately where the rubber meets the road in business. Yet many of us don’t take the time to take the pulse of our customers nearly enough. Ask for specific comments from specific customers.
Are you aware of any negative reactions? There is a tendency in many employees to only report good news. It is important to find out what is really going on. In this case it is important to not only ask the question, but to be careful to not beat the person up who tells you potentially negative information.
How do you feel about what is going on? Businessmen and women love to live in the land of thoughts. Feelings, on the other hand, can be scary and intimidating. But take the time to ask about feelings and you just might get a much more accurate gauge of what’s really going on.
Is there anything that I can do to help? The ultimate question from any boss. Show your people that you are willing to pitch in to help. Don’t go sleepwalking through your workday, many of your fears can be addressed, but only if you make the commitment to deal with them.
Lily Tomlin once wished that she could pair up all the people who walk down the street talking to themselves. She thought it would be nice to have them appear to be having a conversation. Avoid this at work by using the strategies above to have a real dialogue with the people you work with.
911 pulse:
How would you describe the majority of conversations you have at work?
A great dialogue, with real give and take, 39.8 percent
A monologue about what I should be doing, 19.8 percent
I don’t have many conversations at work, 40.4 percent
User strategy:
Our winning strategy for creating better conversations at work comes from D.V. in Wayne, N.J.: “I’ve found that the more I listen the better a conversationalist I am. It’s amazing to me how little people listen today. Recently I’ve found that if you just bring up something someone has said earlier in the conversation they are usually very impressed. It’s amazing that just repeating back something someone said is greeted with such enthusiasm. I guess it shows how far we’ve fallen in our ability to listen.”
Bob Rosner and Sherrie Campbell author the nationally syndicated workplace911 column weekly. Bob’s a best-selling author and award-winning journalist who has responded to over 50,000 emails from employees, bosses and entrepreneurs. Sherrie’s a relationship expert and award-winning comedian who has offered quick, intuitive and humorous responses to over 30,000 people. He’s been called “Dilbert, with a solution.” She’s the counselor with a kick. Together they’ve turned rants into raves via TV, radio, print and live on their website at workplace911.com.
Filed under: Employee Retention & Motivation (M), Healthy Communications (V), Leading the Enterprise (E), Strategic Communications (G) | Tagged: better dialogue at work, Boss, communication, dialogue, New boss, workplace conversations
Great article, tips and anecdote by D.V. I encounter so many non-listeners in my daily work life it’s not even funny. My direct phone number is one digit away from our county’s GED phone number, so 90% of the time when I get a call from someone inquiring about the GED, I’ll have said what business I’m with and they continue with their specific, GED-related question. My wife encounters this, too, as a salon call center manager.
You’re absoluately right that better listening is the fundamental method for improving dialogue — in the workplace or any setting. I believe that improving that will lead to fewer situations where any of the 6 questions above would need to be used.
If you want to see a list of small to midsize organizations that are doing a great job of dialoguing (and generally engaging) with employees, visit wsj.com/entrepreneur and check out the 2007 Top Small Workplaces. One example from the 15 companies is Point B Solutions, a Seattle-based company that actively engaged their hundreds of employees across several states when it became clear their culture was being threatened by their growth. Leadership’s dialogue with their associates resulted in the creation of small, special interest, virtual “communities” for associates to use for networking and sharing strategies.
Great, perennial topic. Keep up the great work.