Apologizing by email

What is your strategy for apologizing by email?

Your Rant: I screwed up with a co-worker who works in an office in another state. I prefer to apologize to someone face-to-face, but I very seldom get to see this guy. What can I do?

911 Repair,

Your email reminded me of “Teen Buzz,” an invention that was created by Howard Stapleton. It’s a cell phone ring tone that is audible to most young people but not by most adults. It turns out that as we age, we lose the ability to hear certain sounds. Think of this as invisible ink for the technology age.

Teen Buzz reminded me of the problem with most apologies, they’re not audible to the person actually being apologized to. Below I’ve listed three “do’s” and one “don’t” for apologizing to someone you can’t meet with face-to-face in a way that they’ll actually hear what you say. For more, check out “Send” by Shipley and Schwaube (Knopf, 2007).

DO-put “apology” in subject line. Remember the last time that you were upset with someone? When they emailed you did you immediately open their email? Chances are that you let it sit for a few days. That’s why it’s so important to put the word “sorry” or “apology” in the subject line. Let them know your intentions for writing to them and chances are it will increase the odds that they’ll actually open up your email and read what you wrote.

DO-email to set up a time to talk. Today, most of us live our lives through email and text messages. But remember there is an alternative, you can phone them. Remember phone calls? But since the person is probably already upset with you, the last thing you want to do is ambush them out of the blue with an apology call. I’d email them in advance asking to set up a time for you to call with your apology.

DO-apologize quickly. Most of us stall when it comes to sending out an apology. Whether we’re trying to phrase it perfectly, or just trying to avoid having to apologize in the first place, apologies often can spend a lifetime on your back burner. Unfortunately, while you delay, the person you should be apologizing to is probably feeling burned. That’s why it’s important to always apologize sooner rather than later.

DON’T-CC without permission. Apologies really need to be done one-on-one. CC:ing a bunch of other people makes it appear that you are more interesting in grandstanding and politicking rather than actually in expressing your remorse for what happened. Yes, there may be other people that you need to communicate with on this matter, but wait to contact them until you’ve actually apologized with the person you’ve done wrong. Anything else will just be pouring salt water in already inflamed wounds.

Use these techniques to apologize long distance and the odds will increase that the buzz about you back at the office will be positive, even with the person you done wrong.

Thought for the Week

“A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.”
G. K. Chesterton

Bob Rosner and Sherrie Campbell author the nationally syndicated workplace911 column weekly. Bob’s a best-selling author and award-winning journalist who has responded to over 50,000 emails from employees, bosses and entrepreneurs. Sherrie’s a relationship expert and award-winning comedian who has offered quick, intuitive and humorous responses to over 30,000 people. He’s been called “Dilbert, with a solution.” She’s the counselor with a kick. Together they’ve turned rants into raves via TV, radio, print and live on their website at workplace911.com.

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